What’s there to say? I’m not dead yet.

2020 sucked. really bad. 2021 is a mixed bag. Looking at my last post from 2018 on here, I focused on gratitude. Perspective helps.

10 years ago almost to the day, I emerged from the surgery center at M.D. Anderson. They removed the cancer that was inside my left radial nerve with great margins. The tumor measured 6.5cm x 4.5cm x 3 cm. I was so used to the pain, in the recovery room I had barely noticed that the morphine had worn off. My normal baseline pain level was higher than post operative cut-into-your-nerve pain. That which was normal was not at all normal. The medical board review determined a few weeks later that I would not need radiation or chemo. It has been ten years, and it’s not come back. Some of you I know and have known have not been so lucky. I see your suffering and my heart breaks. Seeing the suffering around me compared to my suffering helps me with the perspective. Yes, I have shitty days. Some are really fucking shitty. I have days where I almost am convinced that God or the universe hates me. But, with perspective, I know it’s gonna be alright eventually, and I’ll be okay.

Published on November 09, 2021